


Stone Cold

by Libstar



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libstar/pseuds/Libstar
Summary: Alex goes away like she said she would but news of Bernie's divorce reaches her and she can't help but hope that maybe Bernie will be pleased to see her, she doesn't count on Serena Campbell, not at all.





	Stone Cold

**Author's Note:**

> I heard Stone Cold by Demi Lavato around the same time that I went back and watched the Alex/Bernie scenes and this has been bouncing around in my head since. I kept it in my head too long and it hasn't come out exactly the way I imagined it but here it is, typed on my phone because I've just had my nails done and they make typing on. Keyboard difficult until I get used to them! Any mistakes are mine, I don't edit even a little bit.

_Stone cold, stone cold_   
_You're dancing with her, while I'm staring at my phone_   
_Stone cold, stone cold_   
_I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold_

* * *

 

Alex comes back despite promising Bernie, promising herself, that she wouldn't. That is would be up to the blonde to contact her when, if, she decided she was ready.

She stays away for months, gets a locum spot on London, listens to a friend who tells her that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. She dates a barmaid for a while, tried to ignore the messy blonde hair, the fact she makes her think of Bernie, of how she might has been when she was younger, carefree. In the end it's the girls age that separates them, that and Alex's inability to think of anything other than Bernie when all she can see is a head of blonde hair buried between her legs. Then there was the school teacher, the 'straight' very much married school teacher, Alex reverted to type, yet another persons dirty little secret. She ends that when she realises what she's doing, realises that it doesn't feel good, remembers that part of the reason why she walked away from Bernie was because of how awful it made her feel to have her, but at the same time to not really have her. She gives up after that, decides that she's better off alone, that she can get over Bernie by focusing on her work, on her friends.

It's all well and good until she lands her self back in Holby, ends up working at St James' where the rumour mill is still talking about Marcus Wolfes divorce from his wife, just returned from active service. She tries to ignore it, but there are whispers of it all over the hospital, talk of her leaving him for another woman, him taking her for every penny he could get his hands on. It's hard to ignore the idea, the memory, of Bernie after that, especially knowing she is so close. She crumbles after a week, changes after her shift and drives across town to Holby City Hospital. Stepping out of the car she looks up at the building she never thought she'd return to and takes a deep breath, tries to formulate some kind of plan, wonders if maybe she wouldn't be better off leaving without seeing Bernie at all. Surely if Bernie was interested she would have gotten in touch, especially since the divorce which, according to St James' pretty spectacular rumour mill, has been finalised for over a month. But at the same time she knows Bernie won't, wouldn't, knows Bernie well enough to know that regardless of what she wanted she would only go after things she felt she deserved, and she has never felt like she deserved Alex, she always made that abundantly clear, it was another layer to the two of them not working out.

It should never have worked between them, not really, all that sneaking around, not being able to talk openly, talk at all really added to the pressure of an active war zone, but it had. When Bernie told her she'd never felt like that with anyone else before and she believed her because she felt the same, she was sure that Bernie was the one, the only one for her. It was when they got home that everything had crumbled, when Bernie had gone back on everything she had said, every secret, whispered word they shared out in the desert, every note, scribbled on scraps and slipped into her pockets, under her pillow. My family, Bernie had said, I need to try for my family. And as much as it broke Alex's heart, she'd let her go hoping that the old adage 'if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's meant to be yours,' was true for her and Bernie.

The blondes car is in the car park and so Alex decides to wait. She doesn't know which ward Bernie has landed on, St James' gossip mill isn't quite that good, and she doesn't really want to make a scene on any wars so she decides to wait it out, it can't be far off shift change and it's not like she's got anything to rush home to.

It's almost an hour before she spots the familiar head of blonde hair, steps away from where she's been leaning on the bonnet of her car, starts towards her only to pause when Bernie stops, turns with a smile on her face Alex can see from 100 meters away, and waits for a brunette who is hurrying towards her, her smile equally wide. Alex's heart drops down into her stomach when the brunette stops in front of Bernie, pushes up on her toes and kisses her, chaste but lingering, and Bernie wraps her arm around her shoulder as they wander off towards Albies, laughing and talking, the brunette fingers tangled with Bernie's where they dangle over her shoulder. It's like a punch in the gut, before she could have pretended that Bernie hadn't been in touch because she was scared, because she didn't know that her communication would be welcome, but now...shes never seen Bernie smile like that, not even when it was just the two of them, not even when she talked about her kids, it's like she's lit up from the inside with some eternal light and Alex knows that she has no hope.

They walk by her, close enough that when Bernie looks up and right at her there's no denying it's her. She's not sure what she expects, what she hopes for, but Bernie's stride does not falter, her gaze does not flicker, she simply offers a nod and a smaller smile and continues walking, twists to press a kiss to the brunettes temple.

That's it then, she supposes, the answer to her question. While she's been pining over Bernie all this time, believing that the two of them are meant to be together, that they are soul mates or twin flames or whatever the best term is, Bernieshe has been moving on, finding her real other half, because there is no denying that the two of them look like they are meant to be together. She slides back into the car, takes a deep breath, focuses on breathing in and out, keeping her hands from shaking. She'd cried when she walked away the last time, sure that she was doing the right thing, that it was better for her to get out than get hurt, she should have just kept walking because this time she feels like she might break apart because she doesn't even have hope to hold onto. She watches them across the car park and out of sight, they never lose touch, their bodies pressed together from shoulder to hip, Bernie kissing the brunettes head now and then. She looks so happy, Alex's thinks, happier than she was in the army, happier than she ever was at the prospect of going home to her family, happier than she looked the first time they fucked or the last time they made love. This woman, whoever she is, has done what Alex has always wanted, she's set Bernie free, free of the fear, the shame, everything that was holding her back and Alex loves her enough to let her go. It'll hurt, she knows it will, but if Bernie has found what she was looking for then she can be happy for her, she can move on and she can be ok.


End file.
